Friday, January 28, 2011

I Have Chemically Induced Adult ADD Today. Bad.

I seriously can't sit still.

I think is REALLY has to do with the fact I had to get $10 out for B for an afterschool bowling adventure and instead of paying an ATM fee, I went to QuikStop and got an IrishStyle Java Monster. And drank it all before getting to work.


Since I stopped mainlining caffeine everyday, and just abuse it for recreational purposes (about once a week), caffeine has grown into epic proportions of fun!



I just finished the final deets on my b-day party, which is in 3 weeks. Sent out the Evite and now waiting for responses. I love Evites. I love "Yes, I'm Attending" responses from Evite. They make me super happy.

And I just got a "Yes"! It's been 3 mins. Awesome.


I finally sent out my niece and nephew's Xmas cards with gift. And my nephew's Bday card. I have been sucking ass with the gift promptness. Hell, I still need to get my dad an Xmas gift. At least I'm narrowing down what to get him... Man, I'm lame.


My oldest is turning 12 and wants an electric scooter for her Bday present. I am researching them and the one she wants is really for 13 and over. It goes 15mph for about 45 mins. A bit more than I think she can handle, but the weight limit is 220lbs (as opposed to 150lbs for the smaller one) which means I could ride it... so she's getting the bigger one. ;-)


I have no idea what I want for my birthday. I love gifts (who doesn't!) but I really don't need anything. And the random stuff I want? Very few people get what I like. Hell, I usually don't know till I see it, and then once it is outta sight, it's so outta mind. But it would be nice to be surprised by something this year.


So this troop leader business is kinda kicking my butt. Presales for cookies are deadlined for today and I have yet to even try and sell any. Ha! Ok, let's take a quick break and send out that email...

Done! Ok, now let's hope I get some responses.


As of the last blood donation, I have donated 12 times which is 1.5 gallons of blood. That actually sounds pretty disgusting. Ha. But if you think of it, I may have saved up to 36 lives. Which is pretty awesome. One bad thing? They test your cholesterol. And mine went from not good to really bad in 6 months. And I'm almost positive it is because I haven't been exercising. At. All. So, I am upping my vitamins and taking the Cholestoff that my doc recommended. It is messing with my tummy quite a bit, but part of the deal.

And now I need to get moving. My shoes are shot, so I need to get a new pair first, otherwise I will be flirting with an injury I don't need. But that should stop me from going to the gym once in a while and start hoofing it. I really need to get off my lazy ass.


And I think I'm done. Time to eat lunch.

Monday, January 17, 2011

Is That A Pube Hair Sticking Outta My Sweater?

I have alot of hair. A whole heckuva lot. And I shed it everywhere. It is all over the bathroom, all over my shower wall, bedroom floor, van sideboards, desk chair at work, everywhere.

Always makes me think of Gattaca, the movie where they test DNA all the time. They would have false positives NAMED afte me, I've no doubt. "Oh, sorry, looks like you were trying to get intel on that cute guy at work... but you grabbed Random Subject 47... again."

So inevitably, when I wash my clothes, the hair weaves into my sweaters. And after a few washes the hair loses the fabulous texture it normally is. Today, as I was pulling various strands from my sweater (You know you are so jealous of me right now), I came across one that was very wiry and coarse. All I could think about was, how did this pubic hair get into my sweater!? Then I realized that this hair could only be Crystal Gayle's pube due to the length.

What does this mean? That I do not only have to worry about leaving my trace evidence all over other people's abodes, NOW I have to worry about people finding my hair and thinking it's my giant pube.


Wednesday, January 5, 2011

My Loathing of Mom Jeans

If you can remember back inthe day, there was no such thing as low-rise jeans. They were all Natural Waist jeans with tight ankles, aka mom jeans. Or if you were lucky they had pleats at the waist. *shudder* Goddamn, I fucking hated those jeans.

You seriously couldn't find any other jeans anywhere. At least not on my parents budget, nor would my mom have the time for me to do a marathon Jeans-Shopping-Session. So I actually wore boy jeans. Sure I had a space in my crotch for a dong, but at least they sat lower on my waist. Whereas the mom jeans buttoned almost exactly an inch under my breasts. AN. INCH.

A few years after E was born, we were living across the street from the mall, and I found I had a few hours free on a weekend. So I trudged to the mall determined to find a brand of jeans that fit. I had dropped quite a bit of weight and was in serious need of clothes that didn't fall off or were made of stretchy cotton blends.

I decided to start with expensive jeans and work my way down to the cheaper brands. Hit the GAP, Express, and slowly downgraded to Sears and JCP. I was so depressed, because there was nothing that fit. Being short yet curvy was like having AB- blood. It had seriously been like 5 hours of trying on jeans and I figured I would hit up one more section - the Junior section of JCP. It was seriously my last hope and I had no real hope to find anything, because I wasn't a scrawny little "Junior" anymore. Actually, I had NEVER been a scrawny little "Junior".

Low and behold, I discovered my first pair of low-rise jeans. It was like a revelation. Jeans that actually hit me at my belly button for once, instead of 3 inches above it. My thighs encapsulated comfortably, crotch of the jeans hitting me where it should - no dong space to account for, and SHORT. They actually hit me right instead of being a few inches past my toes!

I still had no real shirts that fit me right, or bras that I didn't have to special order, but I finally had a pair of jeans that fit! And they were only $20 a pop!

I realized I would never have to wear mom jeans again. It may have been one of my life's greatest joys. You know, right after the births of my babies or, say, graduating college.