I am addicted. I don't think I am ready yet to admit I have a problem. Oh no! Uh uh. Not me. Just because I am addicted doesn't mean squat. I could quit anytime.
"What am I addicted to?" you ask.
Alcohol? Gambling? Drugs? Sex?
Nope. That would be too easy.
I am addicted to dating. There. I said it.
Funny, I'm not that relieved. You'd think that just admitting it would lift a weight off of... but, no.
Of course, how would that lift the weight off? In the next 3 day, I have 3 separate dates. 2 firsts and a second. That's alot of pressure to perform. And I believe every date is a chance for me to perform.
Open scene - restaurant. Heroine sits in booth, spotlighted, sipping a beverage. Would-be Hero sits across, staring intently at the too cute and vivacious Heroine while she entrances him with her wit. Hours pass while she flits from one funny story after another, sounding just a wee bit rehearsed, but not noticeably. The night ends at her car as she dodges the first kiss and sets up second date. Heroine drives away, as Would-be Hero texts right away confirming he had a good time. End scene.
With a small change of detail here or there - that is exactly how EVERY SINGLE ONE of my first dates go. Only a few have ever deviated. I hate the first date.
And yet, I crave it.
And it really isn't that I want to date. I don't wanna get married, that's for sure. Just looking for a guy that fills my very small list of criteria, sparks chemistry, and wants me to be on his list of priorities. Not even in the top 4. Hell, I'd be happy with 5.
But alas, to no avail.
Sadly , everytime a potentially good relationship ends, I tell myself, "I will be single. I will focus on me. I will be by myself." Again to no avail.
So, onward and upward. Off the wagon I go.
Although, hopefully, this time is a bit different. I have found the primo FREE dating site. What does that mean? So many more people, and a lot less hoops to jump thru. So I am slotting them in tight, and getting this done.
So, off of the wagon, I jump whole-hearted into the dating pool. ...again... Hopefully this bigger pool will help me not get bored with wading. Maybe there will even be waves, a diving board... Ooooo! a slide!