My eldest daughter, B, will be entering middle school in late August. Not sure how it works outside of NV, but middle school is where the magic happens. Puberty hits and there's a bit more laxness in your child's schedule and BAM! Sex! Alcohol! Badness! More badness!
I think I've done pretty well on the alcohol front. And the school is very anti-mood-altering-drug. And, luckily, her friends are pretty straight edge. I'm really not all that worried about alcohol. We've had conversations about it, most of the questions have been asked, and I think right now, it is all good. The knowledge has been imparted.
Now, for the sex...
I actually broke into a sweat. Just now.
I really don't want to eff this up. Impart knowledge without making it sound too clinical. The clinical part will be the easiest. I can talk about that stuff any day of the week. But explain what stuff feels like and share experiences? That's what's gonna kill me.
It is so very necessary though. I have been hearing some scary shit from teachers I drink with. And from parents with 13yo daughters in 8th grade. I've become very good at dealing with hypervenilation. When another parent talks about finding her 13yo son in bed with his girlfriend who's 11, you tend to not find enough oxygen in the room. Uh uh.
We already had the masturbation talk. I did pretty well, but she totally wanted to die a horrid self-immolation death. Right. On. The. Spot. I can understand why. It was sprung on her. There were a few improprieties at a sleepover and the attending parent kinda freaked out. Scorched earth and all that. Kinda like that scene in Johnny Dangerously, where he makes his kid brother watch the video about exploding balls? Yeah, so I had to try and address the parent's response and explain that masturbation is natural, blah, blah, feels good, blah, blah, but private, blah, blah, blah. Good times.
So I have been prepping her for this for a few months now. Taking out the spontaneity, cutting down on the shock. And we will be doing it in various parts all during the summer. So we focus on her body, and then a boy's. And then the various acts. And then contraceptives. And then harassment, partner/peer pressures and, finally, rape.
Don't get me wrong. Part of me wants to scare the ever-loving hell out of her about sex. And it wouldn't be that hard. Her 15yo cousin is pregnant with twins. People within her immediate familial circle have had to deal with rape and sexual abuse. Sex can permanently scar you. Tear holes in your psyche. Crush your self-confidence. At the least, sex makes you vulnerable.
But that vulnerability is what makes it so great. You literally open yourself up to another person. It is scary but so very powerful. Especially if it is done right. It is the basis for one of the most integral relationships you'll ever have. Can be the most emotive way to express love physically. And, seriously, it is just damn fun.
So, I must express all this while teetertottering between scaring the shit out of her and giving her cues that is it ok to be a whore. I honestly don't have alot of fears about her becoming promiscuious. Mostly, I'm afraid I will scare her too much. Instead of using a scapel for the job, I'll use Gallagher's Mallet. Watermelon everywhere.
So this week, I'll be buying some books soon with cartoon illustrations (I'm not ready for actual pictures) and setting up some biweekly quiet time. And, hope to Christ, I can be delicate for once in my life. And then get ready to repeat it all over again in 3 years.