My Loathing of Mom Jeans

If you can remember back inthe day, there was no such thing as low-rise jeans. They were all Natural Waist jeans with tight ankles, aka mom jeans. Or if you were lucky they had pleats at the waist. *shudder* Goddamn, I fucking hated those jeans.

You seriously couldn't find any other jeans anywhere. At least not on my parents budget, nor would my mom have the time for me to do a marathon Jeans-Shopping-Session. So I actually wore boy jeans. Sure I had a space in my crotch for a dong, but at least they sat lower on my waist. Whereas the mom jeans buttoned almost exactly an inch under my breasts. AN. INCH.

A few years after E was born, we were living across the street from the mall, and I found I had a few hours free on a weekend. So I trudged to the mall determined to find a brand of jeans that fit. I had dropped quite a bit of weight and was in serious need of clothes that didn't fall off or were made of stretchy cotton blends.

I decided to start with expensive jeans and work my way down to the cheaper brands. Hit the GAP, Express, and slowly downgraded to Sears and JCP. I was so depressed, because there was nothing that fit. Being short yet curvy was like having AB- blood. It had seriously been like 5 hours of trying on jeans and I figured I would hit up one more section - the Junior section of JCP. It was seriously my last hope and I had no real hope to find anything, because I wasn't a scrawny little "Junior" anymore. Actually, I had NEVER been a scrawny little "Junior".

Low and behold, I discovered my first pair of low-rise jeans. It was like a revelation. Jeans that actually hit me at my belly button for once, instead of 3 inches above it. My thighs encapsulated comfortably, crotch of the jeans hitting me where it should - no dong space to account for, and SHORT. They actually hit me right instead of being a few inches past my toes!

I still had no real shirts that fit me right, or bras that I didn't have to special order, but I finally had a pair of jeans that fit! And they were only $20 a pop!

I realized I would never have to wear mom jeans again. It may have been one of my life's greatest joys. You know, right after the births of my babies or, say, graduating college.