Have you heard this song?
Kings Of Leon - Sex On Fire
First thing that comes to mind? Gonorrhea.
But then you listen to the lyrics. And it gets better.
Lay where you're laying
Don't make a sound
I know they're watching
They're watching
Ok - add exhibition to the mix of STDs.
The dark of the alley
The break of the day
The head while I'm driving
I'm driving
Alright more exhibitionism plus some unsafe road head. So unsafe sex AND unsafe driving practices.
Soft lips are open
Knuckles are pale
Feels like you're dying
You're dying
Holy crap - maybe she IS dead? Necrophilia in now added to the list.
If it's not forever
If it's just tonight
Oh, it's still the greatest
The greatest
The greatest
And there is the one-night stand reference to ice that cupcake.
Ok so to recap, we have:
STDS
Exhibitionism
Voyeurism
Unsafe driving
Necrophilia
Awesome.
Monday, March 29, 2010
What The Hell?
Thursday, March 25, 2010
I have regressive spatial issues
I noticed something odd about my self last night.
I can't sleep in the middle of the bed. It is like I am physically incapable of rolling over into the middle. Even when I was first divorced, and slept in a full bed, I couldn't roll to the middle. And I so TRIED to move over. I made a conscious effort to be in the middle, and I would wake up hugging the side.
Dammit.
Now I have a queen-sized bed. Seriously, the idea of sleeping in a King? I would be so lost. Maybe that's why I like the side? I can escape faster!
Sadly, I doubt it. Now I hide the fact that I only use one side of my bed. I bought a tray that you would see in bedspread ads. In the ads, the tray holds a vase with flowers, and some cute little nic-nac-y thingie. Mine holds the remote, 2 of the books I'm reading, my PS3 controller, chapstick, glasses and sometimes my vibrator. Bet you'll never see MY tray in an ad! Although, it might sell better to single women if it did...
Anywhore.
I got a dog specifically too short to get into bed with me. I forgot about the cat's climbing ability. He likes to sleep on my head. And knead my hair. Occasionally though, he lays beside me. On the unoccupied side of my giant unused bed? Nope. Crammed between me and the edge. Even the cat is trying to get me to move over. Like he knows I am giving up some sort battle that as a divorced woman, I should win, Win, WIN! But alas, every night I fail.
So let's look at the bright side! My mattresses, sheets, bedspreads will last twice as long!
*sob*
I can't sleep in the middle of the bed. It is like I am physically incapable of rolling over into the middle. Even when I was first divorced, and slept in a full bed, I couldn't roll to the middle. And I so TRIED to move over. I made a conscious effort to be in the middle, and I would wake up hugging the side.
Dammit.
Now I have a queen-sized bed. Seriously, the idea of sleeping in a King? I would be so lost. Maybe that's why I like the side? I can escape faster!
Sadly, I doubt it. Now I hide the fact that I only use one side of my bed. I bought a tray that you would see in bedspread ads. In the ads, the tray holds a vase with flowers, and some cute little nic-nac-y thingie. Mine holds the remote, 2 of the books I'm reading, my PS3 controller, chapstick, glasses and sometimes my vibrator. Bet you'll never see MY tray in an ad! Although, it might sell better to single women if it did...
Anywhore.
I got a dog specifically too short to get into bed with me. I forgot about the cat's climbing ability. He likes to sleep on my head. And knead my hair. Occasionally though, he lays beside me. On the unoccupied side of my giant unused bed? Nope. Crammed between me and the edge. Even the cat is trying to get me to move over. Like he knows I am giving up some sort battle that as a divorced woman, I should win, Win, WIN! But alas, every night I fail.
So let's look at the bright side! My mattresses, sheets, bedspreads will last twice as long!
*sob*
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
101 in 1001 Status Report 03/24/10
Let's bang this out.
Heh.
11. Donate to every charity that asks - I contributed to my friend's Polar Bear Plunge. All in the hopes that I will never have to do it myself. If you are supporting a charlity, let me know. I will contribute.
13. Donate blood 4 times a year - Not only did I donate, but had 2 coworkers join me! And we got a free sandwich from Subway outta it. So sextuple Win. (Pervs)
17. Sent my parents a funny card with a huge Thank You for them pulling a Parental Favor. 24 more to go!
19. Send out cards (gifts) for b-days on-time - I haven't had to yet, but I did ask my side of the family for all of their important dates and those are now locked in my Outlook. Now, I just have to do Charlie's side... ugh.
21. Have family dinner 6 times a month - So far, this is a huge fail. I've done it once in 2 weeks. How hard is it to sit down and eat WITH your kids? Apparently super hard. Must. Keep. Trying.
30. Go to one local event a month - Celebrated Sarah's 31st b-day at the Reno Downtown wine walk. Was only going to be "out" for about 5 hours. Ended up to be "out" 24 hours. Lord, I need to curb my partying. Oh, and at the local gay bar, 5star, I got done up with glittery eyes. Which turned into allergic-reaction-red-swollen eyes of death Sunday thru most of Monday. I coulda done without that part.
35. Blog weekly - Ta-da!
36 & 37. - Get a subscription to Cooking Light and Sunset - sent in the little leaflets this morning. I love going to my mailbox and getting something cool. Card, letter, refund and magazines make the short trip worthwhile. So Yay!
46. Cook 25 new recipes - This wasn't really cooked, but what the hey.
Strawberry-Banana Vanilla Soy Smoothie
6 frozen whole strawberries
1 ripe banana
1 1/2 Cups of Light Vanilla soymilk
Blend
Makes 2 servings
Super duper easy, and sweet enough for your candy-addicted kids. Yet? The whole kit-n-kaboodle? 300 calories, 7g of fat (non saturated), 8g of fiber, & 10g of protein. It does have a lot of sugar, but the naturally accuring kind, not corn syrup.
Ok, moving on...
54. Go to the gym 6 times a month - Fail. Haven't been in 2 weeks. I'm lame. Gotta get my arse in gear.
57. Go snowboarding - Temporary fail. Was planned for last Saturday, but my boarding partner was struck down by a viral infection. So postponed until who knows when.
65. Replace the flooring - I am in the process of researching materials. I need to measure the sq footage in order to estimate out my costs. Should do that tonight.
67. Closet Organizers in every roon - I bought the ones for the girls' closets. Now I just gotta get 'em installed! Cross your fingers for this weekend.
And that's it for this week!
Have you accomplished anything you want kudos for? Let us know!
Heh.
11. Donate to every charity that asks - I contributed to my friend's Polar Bear Plunge. All in the hopes that I will never have to do it myself. If you are supporting a charlity, let me know. I will contribute.
13. Donate blood 4 times a year - Not only did I donate, but had 2 coworkers join me! And we got a free sandwich from Subway outta it. So sextuple Win. (Pervs)
17. Sent my parents a funny card with a huge Thank You for them pulling a Parental Favor. 24 more to go!
19. Send out cards (gifts) for b-days on-time - I haven't had to yet, but I did ask my side of the family for all of their important dates and those are now locked in my Outlook. Now, I just have to do Charlie's side... ugh.
21. Have family dinner 6 times a month - So far, this is a huge fail. I've done it once in 2 weeks. How hard is it to sit down and eat WITH your kids? Apparently super hard. Must. Keep. Trying.
30. Go to one local event a month - Celebrated Sarah's 31st b-day at the Reno Downtown wine walk. Was only going to be "out" for about 5 hours. Ended up to be "out" 24 hours. Lord, I need to curb my partying. Oh, and at the local gay bar, 5star, I got done up with glittery eyes. Which turned into allergic-reaction-red-swollen eyes of death Sunday thru most of Monday. I coulda done without that part.
35. Blog weekly - Ta-da!
36 & 37. - Get a subscription to Cooking Light and Sunset - sent in the little leaflets this morning. I love going to my mailbox and getting something cool. Card, letter, refund and magazines make the short trip worthwhile. So Yay!
46. Cook 25 new recipes - This wasn't really cooked, but what the hey.
Strawberry-Banana Vanilla Soy Smoothie
6 frozen whole strawberries
1 ripe banana
1 1/2 Cups of Light Vanilla soymilk
Blend
Makes 2 servings
Super duper easy, and sweet enough for your candy-addicted kids. Yet? The whole kit-n-kaboodle? 300 calories, 7g of fat (non saturated), 8g of fiber, & 10g of protein. It does have a lot of sugar, but the naturally accuring kind, not corn syrup.
Ok, moving on...
54. Go to the gym 6 times a month - Fail. Haven't been in 2 weeks. I'm lame. Gotta get my arse in gear.
57. Go snowboarding - Temporary fail. Was planned for last Saturday, but my boarding partner was struck down by a viral infection. So postponed until who knows when.
65. Replace the flooring - I am in the process of researching materials. I need to measure the sq footage in order to estimate out my costs. Should do that tonight.
67. Closet Organizers in every roon - I bought the ones for the girls' closets. Now I just gotta get 'em installed! Cross your fingers for this weekend.
And that's it for this week!
Have you accomplished anything you want kudos for? Let us know!
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
Polar Bear Plunge 2010
It is that time of year again, where my friend, Ted, jumps into icy waters. And I support him from afar. Because there is no way in hell I will EVER jump into freezing waters. Ever. Did I say never? Never ever.
Anyways.
Here's his page.
2 years ago, I helped in the only way I know how. Promotion and camera-holding. I even stood in the snow that covered the beach and was 2 feet from the water. So. Cold. I kinda sucked at camera-holding. I had pushed record, thinking I had disengaged record. So when the big moment came, I "engaged" record, thus turning it off. I know. Lame. But I rocked the promoting. I had newpaper reporters on scene and even got a local TV station to air him jumping into Sparks Marina amidst myriad goose fecal matter the Thursday before the real plunge. So he plunged twice in one week. I think his testicles finally descended mid-May. Did I mention he made a comment on this side affect on live TV with Danita Cohen? Right. Awesome.
So it is that time again. I will be absent again this year, because I promised I would attempt snowboarding before I remembered that the Plunge was this weekend.
So donate. I did, not just because I always do, but also because it is one of my 101 goals. He asked, and of course I will comply. If you have a fundraising page, lemme know.
Otherwise, shuck some money his way.
Anyways.
Here's his page.
2 years ago, I helped in the only way I know how. Promotion and camera-holding. I even stood in the snow that covered the beach and was 2 feet from the water. So. Cold. I kinda sucked at camera-holding. I had pushed record, thinking I had disengaged record. So when the big moment came, I "engaged" record, thus turning it off. I know. Lame. But I rocked the promoting. I had newpaper reporters on scene and even got a local TV station to air him jumping into Sparks Marina amidst myriad goose fecal matter the Thursday before the real plunge. So he plunged twice in one week. I think his testicles finally descended mid-May. Did I mention he made a comment on this side affect on live TV with Danita Cohen? Right. Awesome.
So it is that time again. I will be absent again this year, because I promised I would attempt snowboarding before I remembered that the Plunge was this weekend.
So donate. I did, not just because I always do, but also because it is one of my 101 goals. He asked, and of course I will comply. If you have a fundraising page, lemme know.
Otherwise, shuck some money his way.
Monday, March 15, 2010
Shit I have On My Brain
I am so not kidding when I say I think I have Adult ADD. So many thoughts, so little time. Last night was a perfect example. I was watching TV on my laptop, playing on facebook, chatting with Landon, and surfing for swimsuits. All. At. The. Same. Time. And this is normal for me.
When I am at work, I often have 12 things open at once. (Not an exaggeration - I just counted.)
All this to keep my active ginormous noggin busy. I say ginormous, because I have a giant head. I wouldn't say I am conceited, or have a larger brain than others, just that my cranium is Huuuge. If I had red hair?
"It'd be an orange on a toothpick."
"It'd be a virtual planetoid."
"It'd be like Sputnik."
But I digress.
This weekend saw me and the girlies at Blind Onion for lunch (Seriously? The. Best. Pizza. Evah.) And I met Dean, the owner. It was an odd opportunity to find the place empty besides us 4 girls and the head cheese grater. We chatted for a good 45 mins. And if you have spent anytime with me, you'll have noticed that if I get near a good conversationalist, I get kinda amped up. The quips come in a furious onslaught. And poor Dean, was the recipient. He held his own, and I was suitably impressed. Although I kept expecting him to ask me to please quit interrupting. All in all, a really good meal. And a great new contact. Networking is key for any and all successes in life. Bonus? He sent me home with a free pizza. And I gave the girls' and my leftovers to a homeless man. Who didn't at all smell like pee, so double bonus.
When I am at work, I often have 12 things open at once. (Not an exaggeration - I just counted.)
All this to keep my active ginormous noggin busy. I say ginormous, because I have a giant head. I wouldn't say I am conceited, or have a larger brain than others, just that my cranium is Huuuge. If I had red hair?
"It'd be an orange on a toothpick."
"It'd be a virtual planetoid."
"It'd be like Sputnik."
But I digress.
This weekend saw me and the girlies at Blind Onion for lunch (Seriously? The. Best. Pizza. Evah.) And I met Dean, the owner. It was an odd opportunity to find the place empty besides us 4 girls and the head cheese grater. We chatted for a good 45 mins. And if you have spent anytime with me, you'll have noticed that if I get near a good conversationalist, I get kinda amped up. The quips come in a furious onslaught. And poor Dean, was the recipient. He held his own, and I was suitably impressed. Although I kept expecting him to ask me to please quit interrupting. All in all, a really good meal. And a great new contact. Networking is key for any and all successes in life. Bonus? He sent me home with a free pizza. And I gave the girls' and my leftovers to a homeless man. Who didn't at all smell like pee, so double bonus.
...
Wait, where was I?
Oh yeah, AADD.
So today, my mind has been extra twitchy. Time change, no breakfast, anticipation of a warm week? Any of these could be a valid reason. And I have to do actual accounting work today. Journal entries and such. I so much prefer analyzing. Getting to the 'why' and/or finding a way to get to the 'why' faster with less errors. Sadly, the regular stuff doesn't take that long. Sometimes running the report takes longer than the actual task. So I try to run 2-3 reports simutaneously and complete the tasks one right after the other. It is like juggling. If you were juggling train station schedules but the trains had no set schedule. Needless to say, it is easy to get distracted.
Also today, I am back to eating healthy. I am in a weight loss competiton with 3 other coworkers. You can follow one of my coworkers here. Last week, I was the big winner, with a whopping 9.4 lb drop. This dramatic drop was partially attributed to healthy eating, but also because the night before the initial weigh-in, I pretty much drank a whole pitcher of margaritas from a glass that would be re-salted periodically. Can we say massive water retention? So these next few weeks will more reasonable. I think I am on the right track though. I mean I had lost 7lbs from Friday to Monday. So from Tues thru Friday, I lost over 2lbs. And this just from watching my food intake - and making the little amount of food I am eating, as healthy as possible.
And for me, healthy eating means no snacking. And for an AADDict, constantly moving in some way is required for sanity purposes. So I chew gum. ALOT of gum. *snap* *snap* *snap* Drives people crazy. But better than me going crazy. And being all twitchy. Hard to convince someone you are a serious, productive cog in the work machine if you twitch. Just sayin'.
Another key to my success? Logging all my food and exercise on my handy-dandy... notebook! And by notebook, I mean an app on my iPhone. Seriously, how did I live before having this glorious tool? Hell, it even vibrates. *Le sigh*
Anyways, to abruptly end this incoherent tirade, I leave you with this:
Please find more of this genius at xkcd.com
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
101 in 1001
So I read an interesting blog from Lauren in Texas. She is about as super cute as you can get. Especially at 24. Most 24 year olds I know, I just wanna throat punch. But not her. Although it could be just online that she's cool. Maybe in real life I'd throat punch her.
Anywhore.
Her latest blog was a goals list. And once I started reading, I was inspired. And of course, I wanna do that too. Everyone always has these ideas in their head of "Someday". Just sitting down and having to think about 101 future goals that are actually doable, was a great exercise in self-reflection. Plus, with my current custody situation (50/50 of week on/ week off), having a plan is essential to getting anything done.
So here are my 101 in 1001.
Goals:
Me:
Get into a size 8
Spend a day at the spa
Touch up tattoos
Get last tattoo
Try a different hair color
Take a pottery class
Wear false eyelashes
Get rid of all unnecessary clothes
Join a professional organization
Volunteer 100 hours
Donate to every charity that asks
Help train 2 people on Excel
Donate blood 4 times a year
Sew and USE an apron
Draft a living will
Get a passport
Family/Friends:
Send out 25 pieces of handwritten mail
Call my mom every month
Send out cards (gifts) for b-days - on time
Get a family picture
Have family dinner 6 times a month
Teach my daughters how to cook
Spend 4 weekends a year in Fernley
Get old time pics of daughters at Virginia City
Entertainment:
Attend 5 Artown events
Attend 5 plays
Sing Karaoke in public
Go to the rib-cook off
Host 12 dinner parties
Go to one local event once a month
See Wicked on stage
See Tiffany perform live
Go to 25 live sporting events
Writing/Reading:
Read 5 new authors
Blog weekly
Get a subscription to Cooking Light
Get a subscription to Sunset
Read up on current 'tween stressors
Movies/TV/Video games:
Complete Fallout 3
Finish watching BattleStar Galactica
Watch classic movies
Food/Drink:
Use food from my garden to cook one full meal
Make apricot jam from my tree
Attend 5 cooking classes
Acquire my dream Le Creuset French Oven
Cook 25 news recipes
Post 10 recipes on Tasty Kitchen
Make a latte as good as SB
Learn how to make gazpacho
Use 10 new vegetables
Use fondant to decorate a cake AND have it look professional
Create system to use reuseable shopping bags
Exercise:
Do the 30 Day Shred for a full 30 days
Go to the gym at least 6 times a month
Go hiking 5 times
Get under 3 hours in a 1/2 marathon
Go snowboarding
Get up on a wakeboard
Ride a zipline
Snorkle in tropical waters
Go scuba diving twice
Ride a horse
Play 18 holes of golf
Break 120 bowling
House:
Replace the flooring
Paint master bedroom
Closet Organizers in every room
Replace Hardware in kitchen
Use my garage for my car
Paint living room & hallway
Complete the entryway with furniture
Finish hanging everything in the house
Unpack
Outfit house with carbon monoxide detectors
Hook my TV up to the internet via laptop
Set up scanner and scan pics
Yard:
Plant bulbs
Finish Shed
Pull out shrubs
Put up a clothesline
Learn the sprinkler system
Shovel my neighbors drives (5)
Set up a firepit
Travel:
Take a train trip
Go camping 5 times
Go on a Girl's Wine weekend
Go on a cruise
Drive across the US
Go to Nevada City
Take a motorcycle trip
Get my dad's sandrail up Comp Hill
Go to Sundance Film Festival
Go to Horrorfest
Money:
Complete a No-Spend month
Pay off credit cards
Pay off van
Buy a set of quads
Buy a gun
Get something for my car to integrate my iPod better.
Change Banks
set up regualr contributions to my Roth IRA
The time starts now and ends 12/5/2012.
I figure it is great timing too, since the world ends 12/12/12.
Anywhore.
Her latest blog was a goals list. And once I started reading, I was inspired. And of course, I wanna do that too. Everyone always has these ideas in their head of "Someday". Just sitting down and having to think about 101 future goals that are actually doable, was a great exercise in self-reflection. Plus, with my current custody situation (50/50 of week on/ week off), having a plan is essential to getting anything done.
So here are my 101 in 1001.
Goals:
Me:
Get into a size 8
Spend a day at the spa
Touch up tattoos
Get last tattoo
Try a different hair color
Take a pottery class
Wear false eyelashes
Get rid of all unnecessary clothes
Join a professional organization
Volunteer 100 hours
Donate to every charity that asks
Help train 2 people on Excel
Donate blood 4 times a year
Sew and USE an apron
Draft a living will
Get a passport
Family/Friends:
Send out 25 pieces of handwritten mail
Call my mom every month
Send out cards (gifts) for b-days - on time
Get a family picture
Have family dinner 6 times a month
Teach my daughters how to cook
Spend 4 weekends a year in Fernley
Get old time pics of daughters at Virginia City
Entertainment:
Attend 5 Artown events
Attend 5 plays
Sing Karaoke in public
Go to the rib-cook off
Host 12 dinner parties
Go to one local event once a month
See Wicked on stage
See Tiffany perform live
Go to 25 live sporting events
Writing/Reading:
Read 5 new authors
Blog weekly
Get a subscription to Cooking Light
Get a subscription to Sunset
Read up on current 'tween stressors
Movies/TV/Video games:
Complete Fallout 3
Finish watching BattleStar Galactica
Watch classic movies
Food/Drink:
Use food from my garden to cook one full meal
Make apricot jam from my tree
Attend 5 cooking classes
Acquire my dream Le Creuset French Oven
Cook 25 news recipes
Post 10 recipes on Tasty Kitchen
Make a latte as good as SB
Learn how to make gazpacho
Use 10 new vegetables
Use fondant to decorate a cake AND have it look professional
Create system to use reuseable shopping bags
Exercise:
Do the 30 Day Shred for a full 30 days
Go to the gym at least 6 times a month
Go hiking 5 times
Get under 3 hours in a 1/2 marathon
Go snowboarding
Get up on a wakeboard
Ride a zipline
Snorkle in tropical waters
Go scuba diving twice
Ride a horse
Play 18 holes of golf
Break 120 bowling
House:
Replace the flooring
Paint master bedroom
Closet Organizers in every room
Replace Hardware in kitchen
Use my garage for my car
Paint living room & hallway
Complete the entryway with furniture
Finish hanging everything in the house
Unpack
Outfit house with carbon monoxide detectors
Hook my TV up to the internet via laptop
Set up scanner and scan pics
Yard:
Plant bulbs
Finish Shed
Pull out shrubs
Put up a clothesline
Learn the sprinkler system
Shovel my neighbors drives (5)
Set up a firepit
Travel:
Take a train trip
Go camping 5 times
Go on a Girl's Wine weekend
Go on a cruise
Drive across the US
Go to Nevada City
Take a motorcycle trip
Get my dad's sandrail up Comp Hill
Go to Sundance Film Festival
Go to Horrorfest
Money:
Complete a No-Spend month
Pay off credit cards
Pay off van
Buy a set of quads
Buy a gun
Get something for my car to integrate my iPod better.
Change Banks
set up regualr contributions to my Roth IRA
The time starts now and ends 12/5/2012.
I figure it is great timing too, since the world ends 12/12/12.
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